How That Happened
by Seraphic Calamitious
Summary: This is basically a random collection of stories from me. From Ghastly's dying love of shoes, to Valkyrie falling in love with Thrashe and Skulduggery falling in love with Scapegrace, then having a double wedding. See, randomness. Not for the sensible-hearted. Will try and write a new chapter for you all everyday. If I don't, feel free to complan. Sorry for any miskates. R R. Xxx
1. How Ghastly Went To SA

Fletcher stood on Haggard pier. He was doing dives off and into the water below. Valkyrie snuck up behind him and pushed him off. He landed on to the sand below, missing the water by centimetres. Valkyrie fell to the floor laughing. Ghastly came up behind her with six shopping bags. Valkyrie saw him and stood up.

"What are they? I thought Tanith went shopping yesterday?"

"Um..." Ghastly bit his lip. "She did, but, um, she, like, she forgot... she forgot the, um... dog food! Yeah, she forgot the dog food, for the, um, cat..." He frowned, then continued to bite his lip.

"Ghastly?You don't have a cat, or a dog... What's going on... Oh my God! Did you buy more shoes?"

"...No..."

"Ghastly! Tanith is going to kill you! She said one pair a month!" He broke down into tears.

"I can't help it! They're so beautiful! And they tell me to buy them! I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay Ghastly, I know some peoplewho can help you."

They went to the town hall. Valkyrie walked over to the woman in reception.

"Hi, my friend's addicted to buying shoes."

"Ah, yes. Room 18, down the hall, up two flights, to the left."

"Thank you!" Valkyrie dragged Ghastly and his shoes to room 18. The sign said 'S.A. meeting today,11:30'. Inside was a woman, four men, and a baby.

"Hello there, and welcome to Shopaholic Anonymous. Today, we will meet each member."One by one, everone in the room stood up and said their name and problem. The man sat next to Valkyrie stood up.

"Hello, I'm Skulduggery Pleasant, and I'm addicted to One Direction, hat products, and anything with Jedward on." He sat down. Valkyrie was speechless. But she didn't have much time, as she was up next.

"Hi, I'm Valkyrie Cain, and I'm not addicted to anything really. I'm here for my friend. He's Ghastly Bespoke, and he's addicted to buying shoes." Everyone gasped, and Ghastly stood up.

"Wow! This is a major case everyone. Once you get this bad, it's very hard to become unaddicted. So, what was your name again?"

Ghastly smiled sheepishly. "My name is-"

"Not you," the woman snapped. "The young lady!" Valkyrie frowned.

"Me? But I don't have an addiction." They all shook their heads and started to mutter.

"We were all like that once, lil' darlin'," Valkyrie could hear Sanguine's voice from somewhere in the crowd. He stood up and everyone nodded.

"Hi, I'm Billy-Ray Sanguine, and I'm addicted to handbags and scarves." Valkyrie laughed. Everyone looked at her. She disguised it as a cough.

"The first exercise we are going to do is witha partner, but make sure you pair up with someone you don't know." Valkyrie looked around, and the only person that wasn't partnered up was a fat, sweaty man named Boris Johnson. He was addicted to polotics products and sweets.

"Okay, have we all got a partner?" Everyone nodded. "Okay! Grab your partners' hands. look them in the eye, and tell them theyhave a problem."  
Valkyrie sighed. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

A few hours later, they were at Ghastly and Taniths' house. They were talking about their days.

"So,what did you do?" Tanith asked. Valkyrie, Ghastly and Skulduggery looked at each other.

"Nothing," they said in unison.


	2. Rock Chick Part 1

**This chapter is including a dear friend of mine, Rockchickangel1998, for correcting everyone of my mistakes on my last story... It's reaal quite annoying, so I'm going to write a few chapters about you. This one's revenge just for you, -.-... Xxx**

* * *

Rock Chick walked down the street. She was new to magic, but she knew the basics. Like magic slowed down the aging process, and that she was training in both Necromancy and Elemental magic. She would have to choose her favourite in a few years at the Surge. The only problem was, she was thick. And not 2+2=5 thick, she was 'There is no such thing as oxygen. It is a fairy tale, like World War 1' thick.

Seraphic was her best friend, yet most of the time, she was expaining how Dwarfism wasn't a type of magic. But, like Skulduggery would say, the wheel is turning, but the hamster has been shot, stabbed and cut up into little pieces. Seraphic had no clue how somebody could be so brain-dead and be in the world of magic, but then again, she was Clarabelle's cousin.

On this glorious day, Seraphic happened to bump into Rock. She was clicking her fingers.

"Why won't my damn Necromancy work?! Jesus, this happens everyday!" Seraphic pulled a 'You gotta be kidding me!' face.

"You're doing Elemental magic, Rock." She called her Rock for short, as both Rock Chick and a rock had the same IQ.

"What's that?" Seraphic face-palmed. This usually happened on a Sunday, as Sunday was her 'Head Butt the wall' day.

"Elemental is where you put your hands out and send people flying, then-"

"Like this?" Rock pushed at the air, and sent the old lady across the road flying over a car bonnet. Seraphic rushed to help. She studied the womans face. A week ago, Rock had done the same thing to her. She shook her head as she pulled the old woman to her feet.

"I'm so sorry... again. I promise it won't happen again. I'll put her on a leash or something. Sorry." The old lady scowled.

"You said that last week too. And the week before that! She shouldn't be on a leash, she should be in a zoo!" With that, the old lady shrugged her away, and went at record speed down the street. Seraphic looked to Rock. She was talking to the lamppost again. Seraphic sighed and walked over.

"Rock? Hello?" Rock frowned, then looked closely at her hands.

"I told you not to interrupt me and Lampy! That's it, you have to go!" She put her hand on the floor, and stamped on the fingers. Her eyes widened in shock, and she fell to the ground wailing. "My poor, poor foot! I'll never do it again! I swear! I'm sorry! Abohoeruhnpjgvoaheto!" Rock started to talk mumbo jumbo, so Seraphic picked her up, and took her to her brand new car. It was a Porsche, a black convertible one, and it had cost her £125,000. She treated it like her own child, getting up at 5am to polish it. Often, she would bump into Ghastly. He woke at the same time to polish his collection of Louis Vuitton shoes. They had both promised not to tell anyone about their early morning polishing.

Seraphic pushed Rock into the back of the car and slammed it shut. She was going to go crazy if she stayed with Rock all day. She climbed into the front, and set about taking them home.

She looked in the back of the car as she drove through the country. She remembered how she met Rock. It was still fresh in her memory. Seraphic came over to stay in Ireland a hundred years back, but she soon found an apartment, a job, and a Grand Mage boyfriend, so she stayed. Rock came to Ireland ten years ago, and moved in above Seraphic, but Rock's mother got cancer and died, and her father jumped off a cliff after trying to dive, so she didn't really have the best of starts to life. Seraphic took her in and raised her, but Rock was already 15, so could really do most things by herself. When Rock was 19, she jumped off Haggard pier, but the water was only four inches deep, and she ended up going to hospital. Her brain took quite a big hit, and she forgot everything in her life. Doctors said she'd never learn to use her brain, but Seraphic did the best she could (and trust me, it was a LOT of effort).

But then Darquesse came out a few years ago, and she destroyed half of England, and nearly all of Russia (she hated the Russians on that day), but spared Ireland. She got bored and tired, and turned back into Valkyrie, but everyone was so scared, they made it law you had to have as many people stay with you as possible. Valkyrie let everyone come stay at Gordon's mansion. There was 9 people living there; Val, Skul, Ghastly, Tanith (who had the Remnant out, finally), Seraphic, Rock, Erskine, Fletcher, and Gordon (if he could be counted). They were like a happy, slightly wierd family.

Seraphic pulled up into the driveway. She dragged Rock inside, locked the door, and let out a huge sigh of relief. It had been a wierd kind of day, and things were about to get wierder. She walked into the livingroom and saw Fletcher stuck to the ceiling. She frowned, then looked beneath him. She shook her head.

"Fletcher, what have I told you? No trampolining inside! I told you that last month!" Fletcher grinned down at her.

"I can't help it! It's really fun! Plus, it was really cold outside!" Seraphic climbed up onto the tramopline and yanked at his legs. He squealed, then fell on top of her.

"Where did she go? Oh well. Hey Rock!" He climbed off Seraphic and went to his girlfriend. She gave him a quick kiss, then walked off to bang her head on some walls. Fletcher went to join her. Seraphic smiled. They suited each other to the exact.

She went to the kitchen and saw Erskine and Ghastly talking to Skul. All three men turned to her. Erskine stood up and gave her a kiss. Skulduggery activated his facade, and gave his step-daughter a kiss on the cheek. Ghastly came over and gave her a bear hug. He held her for what seemed like ages.

"Get off! What would Tanith say?" He put her back down to find Erskine wearing a tight smile. Ghastly looked down, then left. Val and Tanith walked through the door.

"Hey Seraphic!" Val gave her a hug, then moved out the way to let Tanith do the same.

"Hey guys." Seraphic looked round, then went upstairs. She came back down with a worried expression.

"Do you know where Rock went? She was head butting the wall with Fletcher."

"In the room," Tanith replied.

Seraphic ran into the room to see Fletcher stuck to the ceiling again, his hair pinned in, while Rock had her whole head through the ceiling. Seraphic sighed and shouted Val and Tanith to help, then began to climb the trampoline ladder to get the brainless couple down on solid ground.


	3. Rock Chick Part 2

**This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend, Nathalie. She is anything you could want in a friend. Xxx**

**P.S. If you are reading this story, please look at stories by Rockchickangel1998. She is a comic genius and has written two brilliant stories, but they aren't finished yet, so please bear with. Thank you. Xxx**

* * *

After taking Rock and Fletcher off the ceiling, Seraphic, Tanith and Valkyrie hid the trampoline. They dismantled each piece, then hid them all over Haggard, Roarhaven, and they even flew to London and hid a few pieces there. In total, they would need to go to thirty different locations to get their trampoline back, or produce 520 for a brand new one.

Seraphic woke up and listened carefully. She heard someone going 'Aaaaaahhhhhhh', except it was all wobbly, like on a bus. She frowned, stood up, and slipped on her dressing gown. The noise was coming from the living room. She saw the hole in the ceiling, then looked down. On the floor was Rock. Her whole body was shaking. Tanith, Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Fletcher and Gordon were sat watching her.

"What's going on in here?" Seraphic walked in. They turned to her, then watched Rock for a minute. Valkyrie walked up to her.

"She's experiencing the Surge." Then Valkyrie turned, and went back to her seat.

"Why aren't you helping her-" Seraphic stopped and frowned. When she went through the Surge, she never did anything like that. No one she knew had done that. She walked up to Rock and pinned her down.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Rock stopped.

"I'm going through the Surge." Then she carried on.

"Do you even know what the surge is?" Rock stopped, then stuck her lips out to think. She always did that... Well, when she finally though, that is.

"Of course I know what the Surge is! It's when you have lots sugar and you start to shake." She continued.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" Seraphic ran to Skulduggery, grabbed his gun, then went and hit Rock over the head with the barrel. Rock went limp. Skulduggery snatched his gun back, then looked at Seraphic.

"What was that for?" Seraphic opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head.

"I don't know. She was just being herself. I guess I was sick of being the one who always solves her problems." She waled to Rock, picked her up, then began to carry her upstairs.

"I'm so sorry Rock, I'll never do it again." She talked to her on the way up the stairs. "I promise. You're like a sister to me. I won't hurt you ever again." She laid her on the bed, then covered her with a blanket.

As she was leaving the room, she heard a groan behind her. In the blink of an eye, she was beside Rock. Rock sat up and looked around.

"What happened? How did I get up here?" Seraphic smiled. At least she was okay.

"You were having a fit of some sort, and I hit you over the head with a gun to calm you down. Then, I carried you up here." Rock frowned, making Seraphic frown. Rock only frowned when there was trouble. And big trouble at that.

"I have a massive headache. Do we have any paracetamol?" Seraphic jumped back in shock. Normally,Rock would stick to words with 3 syllables or less, yet she had just said a 5 syllable word with ease.

"What did you say?"

"I said have we any paracetamol. I'll be fine with ibuprofen, but the state of my headache indicates I don't need anything that strong. Well? Have we?" Seraphic nodded, then ran downstairs.

"Okay, I've broken Rock. Really badly. She's... normal. She's talking like us and seems intellectual for once. I think I've returned her to how she was before the accident a few years ago." Everyone ran out the door at once. Seraphic went to the kitchen first to pick up a glass of water and two tablets. When she got there, she gave the things to her.

"You took your sweet time, didn't you? How long does it take to grab a glass, turn the tap, then pop out two tablets? I could have run the flaming marathon by now! Then again, seeing as it's you, I'll let you off. But next time, I won't be as leniant." She put the tablets in her mouth, then took a swig of water. She looked around at the staring faces and wide mouths.

"Well don't just stand there catching flies, get on with what you're supposed to be doing!" Everyone turned to leave.

"Not you, though." She pointed to Seraphic. "You can stay." She waited until everyone was out of earshot. "Tell me why on Earth I have rainbows and ponies painted on my walls." Seraphic laughed.

"You like that, remember? You asked us to paint them on the walls when we moved here." Rock's eyes widened.

"I was that crazy? Wow." She looked at the pink horse on her wall. "Why am I known as Rock?"

"Well, your full name is Rock Chick Angel, and considering how thick you were, we thought a fitting name was Rock." She nodded.

"Where's all my stuff?" Seraphic pointed to the door at the other end of the room. They walked in and saw a walk-in wardrobe full of vibrant pinks and bright oranges, with a bit of green dotted around. Rock groaned. Seraphic laughed.

"I guess the new intellectual you doesn't like these clothes?" Rock shook her head. "How about me, you, Tanith and Val go shopping? We could each get some new clothes, and buy you a whole new wardrobe. On me, yeah?" Rock smiled and nodded.

* * *

After four hours of walking round the shops in Haggard, the girls had brand new clothes. There was just one downside. The total cost of their shopping spree came to about 600. The girls were giggling as they totalled their amounts up. But to Seraphic, every penny counted. She looked at Rock admiring her new clothes, and Tanith and Val admiring them too, and she went upstairs to Rock's room. There was a stack of boxes for old clothes, and Seraphic grabbed one, then stepped into the wardrobe. She picked out some of Rocks' old favourite tops, then folded them neatly and placed them in the box. When it was full, she walked into the landing, shouted to the girls she didn't feel well, then went into her bedroom, taking the bok with her.

All night, she stayed up looking at photos of old Rock, and she put on her favourite dress and played her favourite music. It wasn't that she didn't like the New Rock, it was just that she realised the girl she once knew best had totally changed, and she was suddenly back to square one again. Rock moving upstairs with her parents, giving a shy wave and a cute smile, riding her bike out the front. Seraphic felt a tear fall down her face. Her best friend knew everything about her, yet she knew nothing about her best friend. She had changed her whole personality in the space of an hour.

When morning came, Seraphic dried her tear stained cheeks, blocked the door with a chair, then hid under the duvet. The world that was once so perfect, that made so much sense once, nowmade no sense at all. She finally got to sleep dreaming of the moment she hit Rock with Skulduggery's gun.

An hour later, she woke up. It was silent. She climbed out of bed and opened the door, kicking the chair out of the way. As the door opened, she heard laughing. She recognized it as Rocks, but it had a tint to it. So familiar, yet so different. Seraphic plastered a smile on her face, skipped down the stairs, and walked into the room.

* * *

**Hey, hope you enjoyed that chapter. I liked writing it because I didn't want to disappoint you special little monkeys. Thank you for reading. BTW, even though in my last few chapters Rock sounds stupid, she is actually really clever. She is also one of my deraest friends. Adios. Xxx**


	4. Rock Chick Part 3

**Hello my little monkey minions. How are you? Good? Great! Now, thisis the last chapter about Rock, so please tell me in the comments if you thinkshe should be in the restof my chapters or not, and also pleeeeeaaaaassse give me someideas. Pairings, randomness, antthing but Fletchyrie. That's the only pairing I don't ship. Sorry. :/ Anyway, hope you enjoy...**

* * *

Seraphic walked into the room. Rock, Valkyrie, Tanith, Erskine and Skulduggery were talking. She watched Rock. Erskine stood up and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Morning." She stayed still, watching Rock, frowning. Erskine pulled a face and walked off into the kitchen.

"What's the matter with her today?" Seraphic heard Rock mumbling to Valkyrie. Valkyrie frowned and turned to her.

"I don't know," she mumbled back.

"I can hear you, you know. Just because I don't look like I'm listening, doesn't mean I'm not." For all the time Seraphic had been stood there, her gaze hadn't been anywhere but on Rock, who now looked a little worried and scared.

"Is it alright if you stop staring at me? It's kind of disconcerting."

"You could just use normal words, like annoying, or wierd. No need to look through every word you've ever heard to make yourself seem smart. It's not like you have to live up to anyone's expectations, is it?"

"Seraphic," Skulduggery stood up infront of Rock, breakig her line of sight. She sighed and looked up at him. "There was no need for that. She was just telling the truth."

"I preferred old Rock personally. I mean, at least she wasn't stuck up, thinking she was better that us."

"Speak for yourself." Valkyrie stood up too. What was wrong with sitting down these days?"Rock is the same Rock she always has been. She's just more intelligent now, that's all."

Seraphic looked at the people in the room, then she clicked. They preferred Rock now. She shook her head.

"You're on her side, aren't you?" Seraphic laughed bitterly. "I thought you were Rock's friends!" Rock stepped foward.  
"Seraphic, I am Rock. Face it. I've changed for the better."

"No! You're not Rock! My Rock was sweet and caring and funny, but you are none of those things! I know my Rock is in there somewhere, and I'm not talking to her until she's back!"

Seraphic ran to her room and slammed the door. She pushed her chair up against the handle and stepped back. The door rattled in its frame as someone tried to open it. After a few minutes, they gave up and went downstairs. She sat on the bed and pulled out the box of Rock's old stuff. On the top was a bear. She grabbed it, then got into bed and cried.

A few hours later, Seraphic heard a knocking on her door, followed by an attempt to move the chair, then a few words mumbled to someone, possibly her. She sighed and placed her head back on the pillow.

* * *

Five days later Erskine knocked on the door.

"Hello? Seraphic? Are you okay?" She didn't answer.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" There was silence, then rustling, followed by the chair being moved.  
The door opened and a red-eyed, tear stained Seraphic walked through the door. She passed him and went down the stairs. The people in the room stood in the doorframe watching her. She walked past them and into the kitchen. She took a glass of water, and two ibuprofen tablets, then made herself a slice of bread and butter. Seraphic made her way back upstairs, ignoring the people talking to her. Erskine passed her on the stairs.

He went into the room, and he, along with Val, Skul, Tanith and Rock, formed a plan.

* * *

The next day, the plan was ready. Skul would open the door, Val would clear the barricade, and Rock would slip in and talk to her. They were all set to put the plan into action.

Skul went to the door and opened the door, Val went to unblock it, but it was suprisingly clear of stuff. Rock went in, while the others huddled into a corner of the room. Seraphic was sat up in bed, cuddling the teddy.  
Rock looked at it in her arms, and she recognised it after a few minutes. It was Rock's teddy. She thought it had been thrown out in the sort out. She suddenly got angry at Seraphic. She was supposed to be her best friend, yet here she was, being like a moody vampire.

"Why don't you just stop this, Seraphic? I mean, you've been in here for six days now. It must get pretty lonesome without friends." Seraphic tilted her head at her and glared. "Come on, just face it. I'm still me, you know. And what's that? That teddy is mine, and always has been, so can I please have it back?" No answer. "Okay, I'll just take this. You need to get over it."

Rock reached for the teddy, making Seraphic hold it tighter. Rock sighed, and grabbed the ear. It was like a game of tug of war, only the person not holding this precious item would be deeply hurt. There was a ripping sound, and Rock fell backwards. Seraphic looked at the teddy. The ear had been ripped off. Rock stood up and walked to her.

"I'm sorry, Seraphic, but you should have given me the teddy." She threw the ear. "It is mine after-"

"IT IS NOT YOURS! IT'S ROCK'S! YOU ARE NOT ROCK AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!"She snatched the ear off the bed next to her, then started to cry. Rock stepped foward. As much as she was hated by Seraphic, she still didn't like seeing her cry.

"Seraphic, I'm so sorry, please don't cry-"

"GET OUT ALL OF YOU!" Everyone left the room. As soon as Rock passed through the doorway, Rock started to cry. She hated seeing people cry, especially her best ran down the stairs and out the door. She hated life like this. She loved her best friend, though she didn't show it much, but she was willing to do anything now to make Seraphic and the others happy.

* * *

Rock stood on the pier. The tide was out like it had been six years ago. She was going to re-enact the accident. If she was going to make Seraphic happy, she was going to have to be old Rock again, and that meant not being smart, not being able to do magic that well, but in the end it was for Seraphic. She took one last look at the state of Seraphic in her room, then jumped.

Rock opened her eyes. She was in the Sanctuary. She looked left to see Nye towering over her. She jerked back right.

"She's awake," it said. Seraphic came to her side.

"You stupid girl! You could have been killed!" She reached down and gave her a tight hug. "Don't do that again, you hear me! Now, I don't care what your personality is anymore, I just want you, okay?" Rock nodded, though it was hard to when she was being hugged.

"Anyway, you're neither smart, nor stupid. You're in the middle. So thank your lucky stars you didn't jump any higher." They laughed.

"Do you want to go shopping again? Because the majority of your clothes now are too smart and posh for you. And I did save some of your other clothes, but they're a little... bright, to say the least."

"When can I go then?" The girls looked at Nye. It looked back at them.

"What? She can go whenever she wants. She's none of my concern. You were the one pointing a gun at my head threatening me. I don't care when she goes." The girls squealed with joy, then packed all Rock's stuff up and left for the shops.

* * *

**This was a slightly serious chapter with a serious THING involved. I know it'sclose to a lot of us, and I'm sorry if you were offended by it. I totally understand if you don't read my stories anymore. Once again, completely 100% serious here, so pleas also PM me if you weren't happy. Sorry peeps! Xxx**


	5. Skulduggery's Bentley: In The Beginning

Skulduggery walked down the isle of cars. He was looking for a new one. The last car he got was a 1928 Chevrolet Sedan, and yes, it was both reliable and it was in perfect perfect working condition, but he had been told now that it was 'out of date', and he needed to 'get with the fashion and style'. Now, he loved his car down to the last screw, but they were right. He needed a new, sleek, perfect car. Just like that one, for example.

Skulduggery slid into the drivers seat. It was a Bentley, a black shiny one. The salesman saw him in the car and smelled a sale. He sidled up next to the man in the long coat, hat, sunglasses and gloves.

"Hello there sir, can I help you today?" Skul nodded.

"Yes, defininetly. Tell me, what is the make of this car?" The salesman gave a small squeal of joy. He seemed to like this car.

"Well, it's a 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental, one of 208 ever made. It houses a six-cylinder, 4.5 litre engine." Skulduggery nodded slowly, thinking. "Don't worry, most people react like that. I love this car down to the last nut and bolt."

"That's how I feel about my current car! But no, I'm currently outdated, so I have to get a top of the range, brand new beauty instead." The salesman pulled a thoughtful face.

"What type is it? Hope you don't mind me prying, it's just, you look like a man with a nice car hidden away somewhere."

"Actualy, I have. I've currently got a 1928 Chevrolet Sedan, a midnight black one, not to dissimiliar to the colour of this one." All the colour drained out of the salesman's face. He was dazed. Skul took the opportunity to look at his name badge. Susan. Well, that was unexpected.

"Okay, I'll do you a deal. You give me your car and 100, and you can have it, in all its brand new, beautiful glory. How about that, eh?" Skulduggery thought for a minute or two, then nodded. Susan smiled. "Right, I'll go get the keys, you bring the Chevy round the front." He stood up and went into the back room.

* * *

"What type of car is it? It looks very nice," Stephanie looked over the car. Skulduggery lit up inside as he remembered what Susan had said 50 years ago when he first bought it.

"Well, it's a 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental, one of only 208 ever made. It houses a six-cylinder, 4.5 litre engine, and it's been retro-fitted with central locking, climate control, satellite navigation and a host of other modern conveniences." Stephanie stopped and looked at him confused. He smiled inside. Susan would have been so proud of him.


	6. The Dead Men: Together Again

Anton Shudder jumped on his bed. His day had included setting up a room fit for a werewolf, shooting a vampire on a rampage and throwing out a zombie and his groveling minion after trying to bite another guest. He sighed. He did this everyday, then had to do the paperwork for it a few hours later. Today was no different. He'd done a few hours of it, then come upstairs to his own room for some rest.

Dexter Vex jumped off the diving borad and into the aqua blue pool below. He laughed as the women covered their eyes of the wave that followed. He was in Benidorm for the week, then it was off to Cuba and Dominican Republic for three weeks of sun, sea, sand, and girls. He had been to them all before, and he knew a lot of people there now. In fact, he'd been everywhere you could think of. He was living the life of an explorer alright. And he was loving it.

Skulduggery Pleasant jumped as the man grabbed for him. He came down to land on it's head. He was battling Scapegrace and Thrasher again. This time though, they had new boodies. Thrasher was a 20 year old man, not bad looking either, and Scapegrace was... well, he was a LOT more feminine than before. Her hair whipped into her face, and she cursed in anguish. Skulduggery took this as an opportunity and punched her right on the nose. A bit of rope later, they were tied up and in the boot of the Bentley.

Ghastly Bespoke jumped as the door to his office shut. He and Tipstaff had just had a heated argument about the robes. Ghastly had got bored one day last week and customised it. Tipstaff had literally blown his top, and had just given him an hour long rant on the past Elders who had set brilliant examples, to which Ghastly had come back at with Sagacious Tome, Thurid Guild and other bad examples. He sighed, then proceeded to fall asleep on his desk.

Erskine Ravel jumped as the door shut. He turned round to see Tipstaff enter. He started to rant on about Ghastly. Erskine turned his brain off, and let it wonder. His mind took him to a few days ago. He had said goodbye to his other half as she went to England to meet some old friends. He would definitly stay in touch as she was Seraphic Calamitious, Skulduggery's step-daughter. He came back to real life as Tipstaff was finishing off. He said his goodbyes, then bowed, and finally left. Erskine banged his head on the table. It was so boring at night.

As the Dean Men continued their jumping, a man set about his evil plan. The Dean Men were going to have to re-group if they were to destroy him.

* * *

**Sorry my last chapters were so short, I'm a little distracted. I'm seeing my auntie tomorrow for the first time in 4 months, so I'm excited. Yay! But I'll take my laptop with me and write some chapters. I'll post them all on the website on Tuesday when I get back. Xxx**


	7. The Dead Men:Together Again- Finale

**Sorry,**** but when I was away, I saw lots of my family and my cousins were little rascals, so I couldn't really get much writing done. Really sorry. I don't really get to see my auntie and cousins very much as they live ages away. Will try to catch up on chapters for you all though. Sorry. Xxx**

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The man was named David Mercury, after his two favourite singers; David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. He would listen to them while he made his evil plans. His mother, who he still lived with, would pick on him and call him a puff. His 89 year old mother was, to say the least, a bully to her 65 year old son. She would often make him cry and weep by taunting his flab, failure and far-off shots at women.

He would show her, and everyone else for that matter. Dave from the corner shop, Barry the bartender, Margeret at that cafe... He couldn't think of anyone else he spoke to. All the other people ignored him and pretended he wasn't there. Thinking about them made him angry. He was going to go ahead with his plan, and no one would stop them.

One the same morning David set about his evil plan, a letter was sent to each of the Dead Men that were still alive. They all opened the small brown envolope and pulled out the brown piece of paper. The letters read:

Dear Sir or Madam,

There is a man who goes by the taken name of David Mercury. He is going to try and destroy the world. In order to stop him, you will have to meet your new team at Haggard Pier on Sunday, 8pm. Bring people you know can help you.

Tell no one else.

The letter wasn't signed off or anything, it just ended.

If you walked past Haggard pier on Sunday, at 7:59pm, you would see six people in big coats, waiting for a mystery letter sender. A woman in high heels walked up to the group of people. Her leather outfit was a little too small, her blonde hair was tousled and down past her shoulders. The group was stunned. Tanith Low walked up to the group. They assumed their fighting stances. She laughed.

"Skulduggery, Erskine, Ghastly, Dexter, Anton and... a mystery guest I see? Well, reveal yourself." The mystery guest pulled down her hood and glared at Tanith. "Val. Nice to see you here with us." She smirked.

"What do you want Tanith?" Skulduggery stepped towards her and Val. "What's with the letter?" She smiled sweetly.

"There's a man. He's waiting to destroy the world. His name's-"

"Yes, yes, David Mercury, we know. Whatdo you want us to do?"

"Stop him, of course. It's Darquesse's job to destroy the world, not his." Valkyrie snarled and lunged at Tanith. Her eyes widened in suprise, and she was knocked to the floor and punched several times. Anton pulled Val off of her.

"Valkyrie, listen." She stopped struggling and looked at Tanith. "Now, we need Tanith if we are to stop this new nutjob. Please try to contain yourself and try not to kill her." Val sighed, then helped Tanith up.

"Here, this will helpyou through the case." Val took the piece of paper.

"Wait, aren't you staying?"

"Hmmm... Nope." Then she jumped into the shadows. Ghastly lunged, but he was too late. He hit the ground in anguish. Val put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll have her next time."

An hour later, they were walking down a small garden path to a little old house. They had done rock, paper, scissors to decide who was going to knockon the door. The Grand Mage of Ireland knocked three times, then stepped back and waited. A little old lady opened the door.

"Oh, hello. You're a handsome little fellow, aren't you? I like your coat. You're very sensible. Unlike my son. He just stays in his room. Have you got a girlfriend? My son hasn't." Erskine's eyes widened in shock.

"Um, yes, yeah, I have. She's visiting friends in England. She's from there, you see." He smiled at her.

"Are you friends of my sons'? David?" Erskine nodded. "Wow, he has more friends than I expected. Normally, he's a loner. I'm glad he has friends. Even if they are a little strange." She looked past Erskine at Ghastly, then turned to Valkyrie. "You're a bit young to behis friend, aren't you? What are you? Fifteen?"

"No, actually, I'm eighteen."

"Still very young to be hanging out with a fat, single 60 year old. And these people don't look any better. Except these two," she pointed at Erskine and Skul, who had his facade up and looked like a hot 20 year old,  
"These two look more your age. But anyway, I'm not one to judge. Go on up."

They went up the rickety staircase and into the small room at the top and to the right. Anton pushed to the front and attempted to kick the door open. His foot connected with the door and a shrill squeal escaped his lips. He hopped about on the landing, crying walked to the door and pulled the door handle. It opened in one fluid movement. Anton stopped, glared, then carried on hopping. Val was the first one to enter the bedroom.

David Mercury was sat at his small writing desk. He was surrounded by rolled up plans and maps with markings on. It smelt of burnt toast and sweat. Val choked on the stench. So did everyone else. Anton was still in the landing, except this time, he was curled up into a ball. David stood up and turned to face them.

"What's this? The Dead Men in my room? And a pretty lady? This IS my lucky day." His attempts of trying to intimidate them sounded more like a nice suprise. Val wasted no time and immediately went up to him and punched him right on the nose. He started to scream like a little girl. His mother came upstairs.

"Stop your whining! It's only a nose bleed! My goodness, anyone would think you're being tortured and beaten black and blue!" She turned to the group. "I'm so sorry, he's such a baby sometimes. Is it alright if you leave us for today while I sort him out?" Dexter stepped foward.

"Could we just get the work we came for?" The old lady nodded. Dexter grabbed all the rolls of paper and stepped out. They all left.

"Well," Val said. "That was easy." They all nodded. She looked at her watch. It was only 8:42. Skul rubbed his hands together.

"Does anyone want to come bowling?" Everyone cheered. Fletcher popped out infront of them.

"What are we cheering for?" They all ignored him and walked round him. He harumphed and went back to Australia to eat some of Myra's muffins.

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**Really random, yes, I know. Best I could do in an hour and a half. Hope you enjoyed it. Xxx**


	8. Thrashgrace Forever

**This chapter is dedicated to ShegoRulz, for requesting a bit of Thrashgrace. Here you are then. Hope you enjoy it. Xxx**

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Skulduggery's gun was in his hand. Valkyrie had shadows by her side, ready to be commanded. He held up his hand and counted down from three. On one, Valkyrie kicked open the door, and Skulduggery breezed in. What they saw was both horrific and sickening...

A few hours earlier...

"Right, you two, I have another case for you." Ravel handed over some papers to the Sanctuary's Prime Detectives.

"What is it?" Valkyrie took half of the papers from Skulduggery.

"We have reports from some of our mages that an old abandoned warehouse downtown is being habitated. We think Billy-Ray and Tanith are stationed there to protect Darquesse. I need you to go and investigate, and possibly ambush them, but be careful." Skulduggery put his papers down.

"Aren't we always?" Ravel's eyebrows raised. "Fine, we're never careful, but we know what we're doing."

Valkyrie and Skulduggery went outside to see Vandameer Craven stood near the Bentley. Valkyrie frowned.

"Vandameer Craven? I thought you were dead!"

"Well, yes, about that. Funny story, actually. I'm not alive at the moment. I'm actually a ghost. See?" He stepped- well, technically floated- towards them, and floated straight through them. He turned round and floated back through them to face them. Skulduggery shook his skull.

"Why are you here Craven?"

"Well, I heard some noises at the old, not so abandoned warehouse in town. There was some squealing by a woman, then a man shouting, and finally a sickening thwack. Possibly the man beating the woman."

"Oh my God!" Valkyrie cried out. "I thought Sanguine loved Tanith! That's it, he's gone too far! Tanith may be a Remnant, but real Tanith is still in there somewhere. Come on Skul!" With that, they jumped into the Bentley and were off, speeding down the road.

They got to the warehouse after ten minutes of driving. Skulduggery had been singing 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt. Not to Val, but to the Bentley. In the end, she got sick of his singing and turned it over. The next song to come on was 'Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomy cin' by Amateur Transplants. Unfortunately for Val, he knew all the words to that song too. She forced him to calm down when they got there. He did as he was told.

Skulduggery's gun was in his hand. Valkyrie had shadows by her side, ready to be commanded. He held up his hand and counted down from three. On one, Valkyrie kicked open the door, and Skulduggery breezed in. What they saw was both horrific and sickening.

Scapegrace and Thrasher, or their new bodies, were making out on a sofa. Skulduggery was first to react.

"OH JESUS CHRIST! MY EYES ARE BURNING!" Valkyrie screamed and ran back out to throw up. The pair turned round to look at them. Scapegrace stood up.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He looked back at Thrasher, who had flushed red, then turned back to face the detectives. "This really isn't what it looks like!"

"What the hell is it then?!" Valkyrie managed to stop throwing up and faced them.

"I thought you were both straight! But it turns out you were gay after all!" She started to laugh. So did Skul.

"What's so funny," Thrasher said, "about two males being in love?" Scapegrace hit him.

"We're not in love Thrasher." Thrasher had tears in his eyes.

"But you... YOU SAID YOU LOVED MEEE! YOU WERE JUST USING MEEEE! I HATE YOU! I DO! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEE!" Thrasher ran out crying.

"Thrasher, wait! Smoochiepoo! I'm sorry! I don't deserve you!" Scapegrace ran after him. Valkyrie stopped laughing. So did Skulduggery. They stood still for two awdward minutes. A phone in the distance rang. Val went to the make-out sofa and found a pink phone under the pillow. She answered it.

"Scapeydoo? I forgive you, and I still love you. If you want, we can do that thing. What was it? French kiss?"  
Val squealed and threw the phone down. She turned to Skulduggery.

"Shoud we go? Let's go. Let's not wait for them to come back. Come on. quickly, before the come back and kiss again." Skulduggery shuddered at the memory and walked out with her, shutting the door after him.

"Hello? Scapey? Scapegrace? Are you still there?" He hung up.

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**If you have any requests at all, tell me. I'll do the best I can. Except Fletchyrie. I do NOT bord that one. Anything but that please... Unless you ask really REALLY nicely. I'll try for you though. Xxx**


	9. Valduggery- Loving, Crying and SelfAbuse

**Thank you to Carolina Blues and 'guest' for requesting a Valduggery chapter. Here you are, and I hope you enjoy it! Xxx**

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Valkyrie looked at her partner. He was hanging upside down from a tree. She shook her head. _God_, she thought to herself, _he's handsome. His face! Blonde, layered hair and deep blue eyes. His cheek bones are nicely placed and his lips were so soft... Not that she normally looked at his lips... Okay, she had a small crush on him. Tiny. Minute. Insolent even_. As big as an elephant more like!

Skulduggery dropped from the branch and walked over to Valkyrie. _Her hair's nice_, he thought as he sat next to her. _Her eyes have an extra twinkle today too. And her lips. They've never looked plumper. Wait, do I like my nineteen year old partner? That's not a good sign. Neither is talking to yourself in your head, but I still do it. See, totally normal._

"What's totally normal?" Valkyrie asked.

_Did I really say that outloud?_

"Yes, you did. You're still doing it now." She laughed as he gave a confused face. He hit her arm playfully.

"Not my fault. My ego takes up three quarters of my head already, and the other quarter is used for all the thinking I do."

"You? Thinking? Never!" Skulduggery glared at her, making her laugh even more. _Wow, her laugh was sweet._  
_Like sugar and honey, all rolled into one._ Valkyrie flushed a red colour. He closed his eyes, then looked directly at her.

"I said that outloud, didn't I?" She nodded. "Great, just great..." They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Valkyrie reached over and loosened his tie. She slipped her hand in and touched each small tattoo gently. His gorgeous staring eyes, lucious lips, everything, was whipped off to reveal his gleaming white skull.

"What was wrong with my face?" She shrugged.

"I like you better for you, not a fake face. It may be designed to be you, but it isn't you really. I like the skull better." He was glad his facade was down. He would have gone brighter than Rudolphs nose on a foggy day.

"Can you drop me off at the Sanctuary? I need to speak to Clarabelle." He tilted his head in a puzzled way.  
"Well, I'm a bit short of friends, and I need to speak to a woman, for a nice womanly chat."

"Okay, it'll give me some time to talk to Ghastly about..." He stopped. What did they normally talk about?

"It'll give you some time to talk to Ghastly about what?"

"Umm..." He racked his brain for something on the telly. "Dancing!" he shouted over-enthusiastically. Val frowned at him. "I mean... Strictly Come Dancing, yeah. Man, I can't get enough of old Brian. You know, the old man? He dances with that blonde one, Jess."

"You mean Bruce and Tess?" He nodded and pointed nowhere in particular.

"That's them. They're my favourite couple at the moment. Though he does dance like a chicken at the beginning. And he always seems to dance to the same music."

"Okay... Well, let's get going."

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Valkyrie knocked on the door of the surgery. Clarabelle breezed up to her.

"Hello Valkyrie! How are you? Need fixing again?"

"Um, no... For once, I came otherwise. I need to speak to you in private please."

"Ah, is it your time of the month? If so, Nye has these things that go straight up your-"

"NO! God no Clarabelle! I just need to talk to you about Skul. You see, I like him. But more than a friend."

"Ah, I know what you mean now! I once felt that way about someone..."

"Who was it? If you don't mind me asking."

"Her name was Rocky."

"Wait, her? It was a girl?"

"Well, technically, yes. It was my pet rock, you see. We would snuggle up in bed together, and watch telly together. We even had two children rocks." She sighed sadly. "They had my face and her features. But she cheated on me with my brother. After all we went through together, the times we shared kisses on the beach. So I threw that daughter of a banshee out the door. And she cracked in two on the pavement. I killed my lover!" She started to cry and ran. Valkyrie shook her head. She wondered how Skulduggery was getting on, talking about Strictly Come Dancing to Ghastly.

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Skulduggery knocked on the door of the office. someone called out 'Enter' and he walked in. Ghastly had a portable stitch machine on the desk, and he was clearly hiding something on his lap.

"Oh, thank Heavens it's just you! I thought you were Tipstaff. Quickly, close the door!" As he shut the door, Ghastly revealed what was on his lap. It was the Elder robes. From the back, they looked normal. But as Ghastly laid them on the table, Skul saw they were transformed into something else.

The front was covered in diamante sparkles, the collar of it trimmed with silky brown material. The sleeves had lightning streaks down the middle. It looked FABULOUS!

"Oh. My. Days. Ghastly, Tipstaff is going to kill you. If he does, I'm so having this! What have you created?! It's freaking awesome!" THey stood there for a few more moments, having a gay moment. They realised what they weredoing and tried to be manly. Ghastly went first.

"So, um, yeah, I buy The Sun everyday for page three."

"Yeah, and I watch women in the shower, yeah."

"Yeah, and I, like, watch them sleeping too." Skulduggery went limp.

"This is Skulduggery Pleasant, not frigging Twilight! You sound like such a woman!" Ghastly started to cry.

"Just leave me alone, okay! It's really hard trying to be manly! All I ever wanted to do was make clothes! But no! You're all in my face, aren't you? All 'Don't chane the robes Ghastly', and 'That top is too see-through Ghastly', and 'That skirt's too revealing Ghastly'. You don't want me to be PRETTY!" He ran out in a state of crying and shouting abuse to himself.

Valkyrie dodged him on his way in.

"Look, Skulduggery, I need to say something. I like you. And not in a friend way. Not in a pet rock way either.  
I'm not being petrockzoned. Never ever!"

"Well that's good because I like you too." He walked up too her and held her hand. His freehand slipped under hid collar and tapped his facade up. Forest green eyes stared into dark brown infinity. They shared a kiss, then walked hand in hand to the Bentley.

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Clarabelle wandered down the halls, thinking of Rocky.

Ghastly wandered down the halls, calling himself fat and ugly.

In a strange twist of fate, they bumped into each other and fell in love. Their hands interlocked, and they continued their sorrowful, aimless walking together, hand in hand.

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**Remember my little monkeys, if you have any requests (if Fletchyrie, please beg. Not very good at Fletchyrie), please tell me, and I will write it for you. I'll even throw in a free dedication at the beginning, like today. if you are a guest, please please please leave a mane or something so I can make it personal for you. It feel wierd putting 'guest' for a dedication. Love you all. Thanks for reading, and if you have any time spare, please review. I need ideas, pairings (no matter how wierd. What could be wierder than Ghastabelle?!), and criticise to your hearts content. In fact, I will reward a SPECIAL DEDICATION to the wierdist pairing. I don't care if it's gay pairings either, just send it in to win! Again, love you all! Xxx**


	10. Vengebelle- Hour Long Love

**Thanks to SapphireShadowgirl for giving me another idea. You are all now getting a deadline for entering the wierdist pairing possible. I amg oing to write the chapter on WEDNESDAY, 7th. Submit them now!**

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Baron Vengeous walked the desolate streets of Roarhaven. It was an unfortunately bright day today. He grimaced. He hated the Sun. Why didn't it just hurry up and burn out aleady? He carried on his walk of strength. There was a body on the floor. He ran to it and began to jump over it.

He miscalculated the height of the body, tripping over its arm and faceplanting the hard ground. He grumbled to the concrete.

"Do you need any help down there?" Vengeous looked up. There was a preety young girl with crazy blue hair coming towards him. He frowned at her. She smiled back at him. "Hello, I'm Clarabelle. What's your name?"

Vengeous frowned. Didn't she know who he was? He was a world famous evil villian. Everyone with half a brain knew him. Unless she was short of brain. That must have been it!

"I'm Sir Charles Fredreckson, at your service." He stood up and did a mocking bow.

"Well hello there. Would you like me to bandage you up?" She obviously didn't understand sarcasm.

"No, I don't need anyone's help! I'm a world famous evil villian! Aren't you the tiniest bit scared right now?"

"No Sir Fredreckson!" She did a salute and stomped her feet together. He sighed. She really was short on brain.

"I'm not Sir Fredreckson. I'm Baron Vengeous, and if you don't stop annoying me, I'll most likely kill you."

He sighed and looked at her. She was still smiling. _She must be testing me_, he thought,_ she's seeing how long it takes for me to snap. I'll show her then._

He walked up to her and took her hand. "My dearest..." _What's her name again? Claris? Clara?_  
_Clarabelle!_ "My dearest Clarabelle, how I love you so. Would you like to destroy the world with me?" She stayed silent. _I've done it! I've actually scared her_. But it didn't last for long.

"Thank God you told me now. You see, I was on my way to find my pet rock, to say sorry and make amends.  
I was going to propose to her, but I see this is more important."

"Alas, our love cannot be. You love another. Oh, how it pains my to hear you say it. Go to her, my love!" Clarabelle looked confused. VERY confused.

"What's last?" Vengeous fapepalmed.

"Not last, alas!"

"Alas what?"

"What?"

"Where?"

"Clarabele, what are you on about?"

"Who's on what where?"

"... Go propose to your pet rock please."

"But... You said you loved me!" She started to cry.

"No, Claris- Clarabelle! I do love you! See?" He held her hand. "There we go, stop crying."

"I was crying?"

"Yes, but you aren't now, okay?" She nodded. "Where do you live? I'll take you back home."

Clarabelle lived in an apartment down town. She had painted the walls pink, had pink carpet, and had bought all pink furniture to match. Once the door opened, Vengeous was greeted with an explosion of bright pink horror. _See, this is what happens when you're good. This is why you're evil_. He shook his head of thoughts and focused on Clarabelle.

She went into the kitchen and got some gingerbread men out.

"Here," she said, handing him one.

"What's this?" She laughed. _She has a sweet laugh. Almost heavenly_.

"It's a gingerbread it." She laughed again as he bit into it and nearly spat it out. "I made them myself, but I'm not good at anything. Hence the gingerbread men. They look more like gingerbread splodges. And as for the taste... Well, not the best I've ever tasted." She laughed again, this time at herself. It was even more sweet and innocent than ever.

He was beginning to enjoy her company now. She was quite nice when you got use to her. Especially her laugh. And her twonkling blue eyes matching her soft blue hair.

"Would you like some gingerbread, or some banana bread? I had a baking day yesterday." Vengeous shook his head and sat down on the hot pink sofa. He must have stuck out in the room like a circus tent in a field. He was wearing dull black clothes, compared to the rest of the living room.

"Listen, Baron, this won't work. I love my pet rock to much to let her go." She gave him a small smile. He nodded, then walked to the door. He opened it, then turned to face her.

"Bye, Clarabelle." He shut the door.

As he dragged himself to the Grotesquery, he thought to himself. What was Clarabelle doing? He was doing all this for her. Forgetting her. Trying to, anyway. Her sweet laugh filled his head as the Grotesquery reached down to him. He wished he had spent more time with her tht day, instead of leaving. How stupid he had been. He loved her. Oh, God, he loved her and hadn't done anything about it. Now he was going to die realising who he truly loved in life. The crazy, blue-haired woman he had known for an hour.

In his last moment, he only had one thing in his head. All this that he had done over the past three days, was for her. But one thing stood out. Would she ever know it was for her?

The Grotesquery squished his head and he died.

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**Sorry, that was really rubbish! I was distracted by my mother being wound up by her boyfriend. They got me involved. Don't worry though,it was harmless fun, and I even made them laugh. Horray for me! Sorry. Right, if you have any ideas whatsoever, tell me! I'll mention you, and I will love you forever... PLEASE?! Xxx**


	11. The Love Of All Camping Trips

**Okay, I'm bored. I'm just going to make up a really really random story chapter. If you want the random chapters to stop, tell me an idea. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahaaaaaaaaaaaa!**

**P.S. Make sure you send in your ideas as I am bored out of my mind. There's only a certian amount of boredom people like me can take, and I'm so close to the limit that I may blow up. So please give me some ideas. THANK YOU! Xxx**

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_**Just in case you get confused: Thrasher and Scapegrace have new bodies after a transplant done by Dr Nye (Evil little-. That's what I think of him. ). Scapegrace was turned into a woman, so he's now a shemale. To seem normal, they chane their names in this story to Joey (Thrasher) and Veronica Stacey (Vaurien Scapegrace). Don't worry though, Derek Landy hasn't seriously changed their names. Just for my stories they have. Xxx**_

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Valkyrie was at Haggard pier camping. She was trying to impress her new best friend, Thrasher. His new body was steaming, and Valkyrie wanted to get to him before anyone else did. Yes, he was still a grovelling zombie minion, but his body!

She had brought some food to eat too. Sausages, popcorn, bread, ham, marshmallows... cheese for some reason... and cabbage. No doubt Skul had put it in. He was having a wierd week. Everything he did was unexplainable and random. Like on Monday, he put his facade up, went to an old lady in a shopping mall, and dipped her down. He then proceeded to tell her how smooth she was looking today. Then, and this is the worst part, the 90 year old woman recieved a 5 second kiss from him.

After that horror, he went into Ann Summers and tried on a womens bra. It was truly horrific. Val had walked in covering her eyes and dragged him out. He chose that now was the time to shout at the top of his voice 'STRANGER DANGER!' making Val very mad indeed.

She took him outside and shouted at him for five minutes. Half way through, she looked around to see a crowd watching her. So she turned on them until they left, and carried on.

As her thoughts came to an end, she looked up. Thrasher coming towards her. She stood up and smiled.

"Hey Thrasher! How are you?" Thrasher harumphed.

"Well, I've had to change my name again. Only this time, it's sort of normal."

"Wow, cool. So what's your new name?"

"Joey." She smiled at him.

"Well, Joey, I think it suits you." Joey smiled.

"I'm glad you think that then." They sat down on the pier. "I've got the tent in here to set up. Where are we putting it?"

"Well, there's a wood down the road. We could go there if you want. It's totally safe, I've been there loads of times and never been hurt or lost." Joey nodded, and they walked down the road.

After the tent was set up, Val told Joey all the things Skul had been doing.

"There's something wrong with him, really wrong. He's never been this...wierd."

"I know, go along with it. He'll soon stop if you mimic his attitude."

"Thanks Joey, that's really helpful advice." She moved closer to him and flicked her hair. He didn't seem to notice.

"Can you pass me some cabbage and cheese please?" She sighed, then got the food. Then she had an idea.

"Hey, wanna taste my new lip balm? It's cherry sparkle."

"Okay then, you get it out-" She grabbed his collar and kissed him. After a few seconds, they broke.

"Well, is it tasty?" He licked his lips.

"Yeah, it's not bad really."

"Want another taste?" Joey thought, then nodded. They repeated the procedure.

Suddenly, there was a rustling in a nearby bush. A woman with blonde hair fell to the ground kissing a man with dark brown hair. They both looked around and stood up, smoothing their clothes out. Valkyrie recognised the woman.

"Scapegrace?"

"Well, technically, yes. I changed my name to Veronica Stacey a week ago, like Joey."

"Okay, but who's-" She looked into the man's eyes. Forest green with a knowledgeable glint in them. "Skulduggery?"

"Erm... yes. Sorry, but we both came to see how things went, and we met each other,we got talking, Veronica brought some Malibu and Tequila. But we got talking and found out we had quite a lot in common.  
One thing led to another, and then we kissed and fell out of the bush, and here we are now." Val and Joey nodded. They could get used to that.

Ayear later, two brides and two grooms stepped out a church laughing. Who knew this had all started with a simple camping trip?

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**If you were wondering, it was Val / Joey and Skul / Veronica that got married at the end. They all lived happily ever after... Until they got out the church and got hit by a unicorn and died. Yeah, pretty sad... Oh well, in about half an hour, you may have another chapter from , it's just that I'm sooooooooooooo bored. Anyways, bye for now little monkeys.**

**P.S. My spelling is awful. Just awful. I blame notepad for not having spell check. I'm actually quite good at spelling normally, but on here I don't really... Sorry for the spelling mistakes my little cotton socks! Xxx**


	12. A Very Pleasant Musical!

Skulduggery went into Gordon's house. Recently, he had been having a little bit of trouble. His life was, wait for it... Turning into a musical. Yes, it sounded wierd, but it was true. Everything anyone did was transformed into a song. It was getting slightly annoying. He had spent all day inside reading the newspaper, but he had to get out. His step-daughter, Seraphic, was coming back from England today, and her annoying partner was throwing yet another party. So it was only fair that Erskine Ravel had to invite hi friend and step-father.

Valkyrie was stood in the kitchen making sandwiches. She was cooking eggs.

_'How do you like your eggs in the morning I like mine with a kiss Boiled or fried I'm satisfied as long as I get my kiss'_

The singing stopped. Skul looked up to see Val standing there, watching him. He cleared his imaginary throat and put a hand on his hip.

"Come on, Ravel's having a party because Seraphic flew back today. He really has to calm down with these parties." Val ran upstairs to get changed.

* * *

Loads of people were at the party. It was a big thing for something so minor. Then again, it was an excuse for Ravel to throw a party, and he jumped at every chance he got. Besides, it was April, and he had only thrown twenty parties this year. Why not make it twentyone?

Seraphic walked up to them.

"He's made such a big deal over me coming back! I wanted to get back, see my cat, see my friends, but no. I only gotback half an hour ago! I didn't even get to go home! He took me to the shopping centre and told me he would buy me a dress and shoes and everything else to go out. I thought he meant for a meal or something. Not this!" She was draged away by a drunk Ravel wanting to dance. She did NOT look happy.

_'I've had a little bit too much All of the people start to rush._  
_Start to rush babe._  
_A dizzy twister dance Can't find my drink or man._  
_Where are my keys, I lost my phone._  
_What's going on on the floor?_  
_I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore._  
_Keep it cool what's the name of this club?_  
_I can't remember but it's alright, alright._

_Just dance. Gonna be okay._  
_Da-doo-doo-doo Just dance. Spin that record babe._  
_Da-doo-doo-doo Just dance. Gonna be okay._  
_Duh-duh-duh-duh Dance. Dance. Dance. Just dance.'_

It ended with Seraphic saying something to Ravel, then singing

_'Turnin' up the music Just to block out the sirens Dance a little harder Dance a little harder, dance a little harder Maybe I'll try to escape_

_I just want to go home (I just want to go home)_  
_Unlock these handcuffs and let me go (Let me go)_

_I don't know what I've done to you (Done to you)_  
_I'm not naughty, I tell the truth (Tell the truth)_

_Scared of what I don't know (Scared of what I don't know)_  
_I just want to go home.'_

She left. Ravel went to follow her, but Skul stopped her.

"Leave it, let her cool off first." Ravel started to sing

_'Here's the thing we started out friends It was cool but it was all pretend Yeah yeah Since U Been Gone_

_You dedicated you took the time Wasn't long till I called you mine Yeah Yeah Since U Been Gone_

_And all you'd ever hear me say Is how I pictured me with you That's all you'd ever hear me say_

_But Since U Been Gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so moving on Yeah, yeah Thanks to you Now I get What I want Since U Been Gone.'_

Dexter Vex walked in. All the single ladies looked around and went to him.

_'When I walk in the spot, and this is what I see,_  
_Everybody stops and staring at me,_  
_I got passion in my pant, and I ain't afraid to show it, show,it, show it,_  
_I'm sexy and I know it.'_

Skulduggery's phone rang. It was Seraphic, wanting to speak to Ravel. He got him and Val, then took them into a quiet room She started to talk.

_'I'm at a payphone trying to call home All of my change I spent on you _

_Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong Where are the plans we made for two?_

_If "Happy Ever After" did exist,_  
_I would still be holding you like this All those fairy tales are full of it._  
_One more stupid love song, I'll be sick Now I'm at a payphone.'_

"Where are you?" Skul asked.

"Across the road from Haggard pier."

"Okay, I'm coming now."

On the way, he stopped for petrol. A boy and a woman were having an argument. The boy was going to quit gymnastics, but the woman was telling him not to. Yet again, this fight was turned into a song.

_'Yeah, you could be the greatest, you could be the best,_  
_You could be the king kong banging on your chest,_  
_You could beat the world, you could beat the war,_  
_You could talk to God, go banging on his door._

_You could throw your hands up, you could be the crack,_  
_You could move mountains, you could break rocks,_  
_you could be the master, don't wait for luck,_  
_Dedicate yourself and you could find yourself,_

_Standing in the hall of fame,_  
_And the world's gonna know your name,_  
_Cos you've found what you promised babe,_  
_And the world's gonna know your name,_  
_And you'll be on the walls to the hall of fame.'_

Skulduggery ignored the song and paid, then left without hesitation. He found Seraphic in a payphone, where she said she would be. He dropped her off home, then returned to the party. Just as he entered, a police officer ran up to him.

"Is this your party?" Skulduggery shook his head.

"No, I'll go get him." He dragged a more sober Ravel to the door. The police officer looked at him. The whole party went silent and gathered round to watch.

"Whar have you got to say for yourself, Sir?" Ravel took a deep breath.

"SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKING!" The party suddenly cane alive, music, simultaneous dancing, singing.

_'People always say that my music's loud Sorry for party rocking Neighbors complain saying turn it down!_  
_Sorry for party rocking Haters don't like we got the spotlight Sorry for party rocking When they talk -, we just be like Sorry for party rocking'_

The police officer shrugged, then joined in with the drunks. Skul found Val in a corner with Scapegrace and Thrasher, who had recently come. They looked both worried and annoyed at the same time. Val stood up.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you this. Right, China's coming. Here. She's going to be here in a minute. Do you want to leave?" He shook his head. The door blew open and in walked China.

_'Get this party started on a saturday night,_  
_Everybody's waiting for me to arrive,_  
_Sending out the message to all of my friends,_  
_We'll be looking stylish in my Mercedes Benz,_  
_I got lots of style, got my gold diamond rings,_  
_I can go for miles, if you know what I mean,_

_I'm coming up, so you better get this party started,_  
_I'm coming up, so you better get this party started,_  
_I'm coming up, so you better get this party started,_  
_I'm coming up, so you better get this party started.'_

Skulduggery had had enough of these annoying pop songs. He was going crazy!

_'Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely,_  
_I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue,_  
_I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted,_  
_Andthe someday, you'd leave me for somebody new.'_

He didn't hang about. This musical day had to stop.

_'STOP! Hammer Time!'_

He ran to the Bantley and put his foot down.

_'Shut up and drive, drive, drive, drive.'_

He pulled up outside his house, then ran inside and into his bed. He'd had enough of songs. In the distance, fireworks went off.

_'Baby you're a firework,_  
_Come on let your colours burst,_  
_Make them go ah, ah, ah,_  
_As you shoot across the sky sky sky.'_

Listening to that annoying, new-age, pop song, he fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Skulduggery woke up with a hangover.

_'Wake up in the mor-mor-mornnn...'_

Like a radio out of battery, the singing died off. He jumped out of bed and whooped for joy. Thank God, it had stopped. That was a very musical day yesterday. But it was over. But... just to be sure... He ran down the hall to the music room. All the CDs Valkyrie owned? Burn...

* * *

**You don't know how much effort I put into finding the lyrics to these songs. Special mentions to anyone who gets allthe song titles right... Not many of you will get all of them. Very special mentions if every single title is right... No? Okay... Please R+R. Hope you liked it. Xxx**

**P.S. The italics was the songs in Skulduggery's head. He went craaaaaazzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyy ! Xxx**


	13. Fletcher The Decorator

**Random chapter for a random story. Thanks AGAIN to SapphireShadowgirl for suggesting a chapter. She seems to be the only one at the moment. And as for the musical chapter yesterday,well done to SapphireShadowgirl and Rosa Lilly 5 for getting all the song titles correct. WELL DONE CHAPS! SPLENDID WORK! Anyway, onto chapter... next ctapter!Xxx**

* * *

Valkyrie had been given a room at Skulduggery's house and she was heading over to decorate. She was going to stop off at B&Q for paint and decorations. As she was entering the shop, Fletcher came flying out.

"Hey Fletch, what you doing here?" A man in a B&Q top followed him out the store.

"Causing trouble. He's been in the paint section for an hour colour ordering the paints." Fletcher turned to him.

"I've told you! I was making a rainbow! You don't have to be so mean about it!" The man shook his head and went back inside to work.

"So," Fletcher said, putting his hands in his pockets, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, Skul gave me my own room at his house for when I stop. So I came to buy decorations for later, when Skul and I decorate it."

"Oh! Can I help? I'll buy all the decorations for you? Please? I never got to decorate my own room back home. My mum painted it all yellow, so it was always bright. Then she painted it black when I complained about the brightness of it. Then I complained that it was too dull and boring, so she hit me over the head and painted it pink and purple. It was pretty cool actually."

"Fine, but you're doing it for free."

"Okay!"

"And you pay for all the things you need yourself."

"Okay!"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Okay!"

"Right then. I'll get Skul out the house. See you later!"

"Okay!"

**-Five hours later-**

Skulduggery and Valkyrie opened the door to his house. The smell of paint hit them as soon as they set a foot indoors. As they opened the windows downstairs, they heard noises from upstairs. It was Fletcher, singing 'Baby' in a high tone. They went upstairs to Valkyrie's new room and opened the door.

Fletcher had painted two walls green and the other two orange. The bed in the middle of the room was pink and had blue love hearts on it. All over the ceiling was pictures of unicorns and rainbows. A yellow wardrobe stood in the far corner, next to a brown bookshelf. It was HORRIFIC!

"Fletcher! What the hell have you done?! It lookslike a rainbow threw up all over! And what's with the unicorns everywhere? I can already see ten! How much did it all cost?"

"Well, I went to B&M instead of B&Q, and I got everything for fifteen pounds."

"Fifteen pounds?! GET OUT! How can you seriously think I'm going to sleep in here? I hate it! You can have this room, because I'm not!" She stormed out. Skulduggery walked up to Fletcher, and looked round nervously.

"Um... I like it. Can you decorate mine for me?"

"Okay!"

"And can it be rainbow too please?"

"Okay!"

"Oh, with lots of unicorns!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

"... Okay what?"

"What are you on about Fletcher?"

"... I don't remember... I'll go get the decorations!" He vanished.

**-Another five hours later-**

Valkyrie came back after storming off. She had completely calmed down, and forgotten about unicorns and rainbows... Thank God she was getting another room for her to decorate. She knocked on Skul's front door, but no one answered. She let herself in and went upstairs. She had checked every room, apart from the one right at the end of the hall. She opened it to a horror so bad, it made her want to bleach her eyeballs and putacid in her brain.

There, curled up on the floor, was Skulduggery and Fletcher, each with a large toy unicorn. The room was like a gang of rainbows had exploded all over the room. It was AWFUL! Vakyrie's eyes widened by ten inches, and her mouth hit the floor. As well as the rainbow explosion, there was unicorn picture, to unicorn teddy, to... wait, was that a One Direction poster over there? And a Fedora poster too? She turned to the boys, who were still playing with the unicorns.

"I'm not even going to bother. I'm going to leave, and paint my room. See you later."

**-Only three hours this time later-**

Valkyrie stood back. She had gone for a purple, black and burgundy theme. The bed, blinds and wardrobe were black. Two of the walls, the dresser and the curtians were burgundy. And finally, the other walls, the pillows on the bed and the carpet were purple. It was grown up, smart, and very precise. And it had only set her back fourty pounds.

"Well, all this is boring!" Fletcher came in. "Would you like me to help decorate it with-"

"NO! OUT! Go on, out! NOW!" He was pushed outside. Wow, the door was boring. So, in the privacy of the hall, he stuck a pink pony on the door.

* * *

**MORE IDEAS PEEPS! I NEED IDEAS! ELSE I WILLGO BACK TO MY _RANDOM CHAPTERS_...(petrified scream)... UNLESS YOU _LIKE_ MY RANDOM CHAPTERS? SHOCKHORROR! WHY AM I STILL SHOUTING?! HOW DO I TURn it off... oh... Well, tell me anything. PLEASE?! Thank you! Xxx**


	14. The Curse Of The Myraua

**I don't support Fletchyrie, but I don't like Myra either. To me, she seems very stuck up, and Little Miss Oh I'm sooo innocent. So this chapter is dedicated to mockingjay98, who also doesn't like her. Hope you like it! Let's enjoy Myra's chapter together...**

**Well, well, well... Myra, in this chapter, you will have a very dark side indeed... Mwa ha ha ha ha *choke* *splutter* *cough*. Oh dear... Well, anyway, choking aside, here's the chapter. Xxx**

* * *

Valkyrie was in Australia visiting Fletcher. He had a good life now. Shame about his girlfriend. Val hated her. She was the total opposite to her, and she was very, what I call, 'innocent'. With her stupid muffins, and... and her stupid hair. She was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

She walked up to the door and knocked. Myra answered it.

"Oh, hello Valkyrie," she said, not hiding her disdain. "What can I do for you today?" Seriously? She'd flown across the world and she had been asked what she she could do? She could tell her what to do and where to shove her greetings if she really wanted to. And why? This girl was Stupid with a capital S.

"I've come to see Fletcher, you know, like we organised four months ago?"

"Mmm, I do recall something of it now. Come in." Myra hed seemed so nice two years ago when they first met. But last year, she had said something about Val at a party they had gone to, and let's just say Myra had gone home with a bleeding nose and a splitting headache. Val smiled at the memory, then followed Miss Sissy Pants inside. Fletcher ran down the stairs and gave her a hug.

"Hey Val! I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" Valkyrie pulled away to look at him. He looked better than she remembered.

"Hey! I'm okay thanks! You look great! Have you been working out?" Fletcher blushed. Val saw Myra glare at her out of the corner of her eye. God, Myra was a eejit! Well, as they would say back in Ireland, anyway. Myra stepped foward and held his arm.

"Fletch, don't forget it's the showing of _The Twilight Saga: Part Two_ tonight. You said we could go."

"Oh, sorry Myra, but I told Val we could go and see _Skyfall_, because we've both been looking foward to seeing it. Maybe tomorrow muffin cakes." Myra stomped off in a mardy. Valkyrie grinned inside. Her ex had chosen her over his new girlfriend!

A few hours later, Valkyrie and Fletcher came out the cinema, arm in arm. At the same time, the people watching _Twilight_ were let out. Myra and her friend were two of them. Once Myra caught sight of them, she stormed over.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Her friend was at her elbow at an instant.

"Yeah, Fletch, what're you doing with her? I've been told she's an absolute-"

"Stop right there Dianne." Fletcher put his hand up to silence her. "This doesn't concern you."

"Whatever!" But after looking Valkyrie up and down, she left.

"What do you think you are doing?" Myra tried again.

"Listen Myra, for the past few months, I've been unhappy with you. I'm tired of you bossing me around. And though you seemed sweet at first, I've come to realise that you're just a typical eejit." True Irish words.

"Are you dumping me?" Fletcher thought, then gave a nod and smiled.

"Yes, Myra, yes I am." She shreiked, then stormed off. She seemed to do a lot of storming.

They walked back home to find the lights on.

"Did you turn the lights off?"Val asked him.

"Yes, I double made sure." They went inside the livingroom and saw Myra sitting in the corner.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Can we get back together? I promise I won't hurt you again."

"No Myra. I'm sorry, but it's not going to work." Myra snarled.

"NO ONE BREAKS UP WITH ME BITCH!" She stood up and threw her arms and head back. There was a bright light, then a growl. Myra had turned into... a chiuaua?! Myraua growled, then ran up and bit Fletcher's leg.

"OW! You daughter of Nye!" He kicked out, and Myraua flew out the window. They ran to the window and saw Myraua transform into a human again. She sat up and shook her head, then looked up and saw them.

"You haven't heard the last from the Myraua!" With that, she howled at the moon and ran off on all fours. Fletcher turned to Valkyrie.

"Wanna cuppa and a choccy biscuit?"

"Oh, yes please!"

* * *

Myraua stalked her next prey. He was tall, and had sunglasses. She growled, then pounced on the stranger. After five minutes, Myraua walked away, victorious.

XxXxXxX

Skulduggery's phone rang. It was Billy-Ray Sanguine. He answered it.

"Y'all gotta help me! There's this tiny wolf dingo dog on the streets, and it attacked me!" Skulduggery sighed.

"I'll be over in a minute, let me get my hat on." He hung up, and went to his hat room. As he opened the door, he let out a scream.

"WHERE ARE ALL MY HATS?!" He fell to the floor and cried. Then he stopped and heard a howling. He shook his fist at the window.

"I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

XxXxXxX

Ghastly couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him. He was in his office, boxing. He heard a growl from behind, and he turned to see a small dog there. It leapt at him, and he hit it with a perfect right hook. He grinned, but it came back with a left hook, and a perfect shot to the chin. He snarled. He was going to have to fight dirty. He hit it between the legs, and it fell to the floor like a whining bag of bones.

* * *

_After being tied up, he rung his friend, who rushed there and took it for interrogation. After three hours, it was revealed this beast was called the Myraua, a foul human cross chiuaua. We are still trying to find the whereabouts of the mans' hats. If anyone has information about the Myraua, call-_

Fletcher switched X-files off. What a load of mush. Valkyrie walked in.

"I'm glad Myra was brought to justice. Shame about Skul's hats though. I still don't know why X-files did two whole shows on it. Oh well. Everyone will think it's a myth anyway. Who's going to believe a Texan, a a scarred boxer and a man who dresses for winter in the middle of July?" They both laughed. Little did they know Myraua had escaped and was now watching them.

But they would find out. When the time came...

* * *

**Hope you liked it my peeps. I did it while eating my tea, so it's not that great. There was two choices though: Not write a chapter today, and do a really good one tomorrow: Or not let you all down and do one anyway. You can probably guess which one I chose though. Gimme more ideas please! Xxx**


	15. Sorry Everyone!

**Sorry, but I'm really stuck for ideas at the moment, so ina few days, I'll give you a chapter or two. Sorry, but it's my brain's fault. It's gone on holiday. The faster I get ideas, the faster the chapters come. If you want to complain, send them to me by PM and I'll say sorry personally... Thanks. Xxx**


	16. Hairdye, Ribbons, Bobbles And Mohawks

**MASSIVE thank you to SapphireShadowgirl for taking the time to think up, then send me a PM full of ideas for chapters! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH! Xxx**

* * *

It was the big sleepover, and it consisted of Val, Tanith, Skul, Ghastly and Fletcher. They had an assortment of sweets, treats and goodies, along with an array of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and cocktails, from strawberry daiquiri, to blue WKD and purple WKD.

Tanith chose a blue WKD, Ghastly chose whisky, Fletcher chose Red Bull, Val chose Baileys and Skul sat back and watched the others drink. They opened the wine gums, popped open a packet of Malteasers each and sat in a circle to play a Spin The Bottle version of truth or dare. Val spun it and it landed on Ghastly. He was dared to jump on the trampoline outside nude. He did it, then spun it to land on Fletcher. Fletch was dared to eat jam, tomato ketchup and chocolate spread on toast (he threw up later on in the bathroom). He spun it and it landed on Skul, who picked truth.

"Okay, who in this room would you punch if you got-"

"You. Hands down, definitely you." After that, Fletcher stayedat least 2 metres away from him.

Tanith dared Val to do a dare of her choice later. So it was Val's second go. It landed on Ghastly.

"Go on, dare me the worst thing possible. As bad as you get!"

"Okay... Kiss Skul." He went white. Skul looked embarrased. Both men stood up.

"I've got to go polish the Bentley."

"Yeah, and I've got elder work things-stuffy-ma-bob to do." Both men ran outside,while the remaining three laughed.

AT half ten, Fletch fell asleep. But Val and Tanith had both eaten four bags of Rainbow Drops and were both hyper as mad. They turned to each other.

"What shall we do to him?" Tanith giggled.

"Hair dye in the bathroom cabinet, ribbons and bobbles in my room, make-up in Gordon's study. GO!"

Once they had assembled the things in the living room, they set to work...

Fletcher opened his eyes and stretched. He sat up and saw Tanith and Val asleep on a twister mat. He went upstairs and looked in the bathroom. Upon entering it, he saw that it had been ransacked. Obviously by Val or Tanith as there was empty packets of Rainbow Drops on the floor. He walked across the floor, stepping over the toothpaste tubes and toothbrushes, and looked at himself for the first time since he woke up. He screamed.

His hair was a pink and purple mohawk with orange and green ribbons in and pretty blue hair clips. His hair now represented something of an artificially coloured Christmas tree with decorations your nan used 80 years ago. It was awful. Horrific. Terrifying. Truly petrifying. And yet... so... STYLISH! He looked the best he had ever looked. He was beautiful! Gorgeous! He looked like he stood for something, even though he didn't, but anyway, that wasn't the point. What he needed to do right now was go and say thanks to the girls downstairs. With a _whoomph!_ he was downstairs stood in Val's living room again. He bent down and gave them a hug and a kiss, then went outside to spread his smile to everyone he met.

* * *

Oh, and everyone? I'M BACK TO ROCK IN THE STORY WORLD! MWA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Xxx


	17. Sorry! Again!

**Hey my little minions! How are you?... Actually I don't care. Jokes, yes I do! I want to apologise because I will not be able to write new chapters because I'm getting my laptop repaired. One more thing… damn! I've forgot! Oh yes. Oh and MEH MEH MAH MEH MOH MOH! xxx**


	18. Juan, Juon, Hangovers, Wedding

**Guess who got their laptop back early...? No, not Rolph Harris! No, not R2D2! Can you guess...? What? You knew it was me? But you were being sarcastic? You think I'm dumber than Fletcher? Now you're getting annoyed because i'm repeating you? Okay! Here's the next chapter! Xxx**

* * *

Seraphic was washing up in the kitchen in her and Erskine's new house, when there was a knocking at the door. She dried her hands and walked to the door, slinging the towel over her shoulder. Her heels made a clunking sound on the laminate floor. She hated them. She was only wearing them because she was going out for a drink with Valkyrie and Tanith. She opened the door, and there was Rock, with a smile plastered all over her face.

"Hello, Seraphic." Seraphic smiled and moved foward to hug her.

"Hi Rock. What brings you here?"

"I'm getting married in two weeks, and Fletcher managed to persuade me to tell you."

"No way! You're only 22! I won't allow it! Not even I'm married, and I'm nearly 320! You're not getting married for another 50 years at least! Anyway, where is Fletcher?" Rock jerked her thumb behind her to a small red car parked on the curb. "I'll be back in a minute. you stay here."

Seraphic walked up to the car, opened the driver's door and yanked Fletcher out.

"Was this all your idea? Getting married? You're five years older than her, you should have more sense!"

"Seraphic, just leave him-"

"No, I won't just leave him! He's the one who got this silly little idea into your head-"

"No he's not! I came up with the idea! I don't want to get to your age, and the closest thing I'll get to being married is buying a house with someone! I only told you because you're the closest thing I have to family! I thought when I told you about this, you would be supportive towards us! But no! Once again, I'm not allowed to be happy!"

"What do you mean 'Once again'?" Rock and fletcher got in the car, Fletcher gave her a sheepish smile but she just glared at him. "Rock! Get back here now!" The car started up and drove down the road. Seraphic walked back up the garden path and slammed the front door in her temper.

Tanith and Val were sat listening to the story of Rock's visit. They were still at Seraphic's house, as they had seen she wasn't in a drinking mood and had ditched the night out. Instead, they had gone to the shops and bought a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Baileys and six bottles of blue WKD.

"They're really getting married in two weeks?" Tanith asked. "They've only been together a few months."

"Wow." Valkyrie tipped her head back and finished her second blue WKD. "She goes quicker than me. And that's saying a lot."

"Yes, well that's enough of Rock. I bought this alcohol for a reason, and that's to forget about her for the night. Come on, I'm bored. Let's go out to town." Tanith cheered and waved her drink about.

"Now we're talking," she said, before downing a whole glass of wine.

* * *

Seraphic woke up with one of the worst hangovers ever mae by God. He was really punishing her for something. She slowly sat up, and as she did, something dug into her right side. She reached down and pulled out a packet of sherbert that had been tucked into her underwear. She tossed it to the side and went to the bathroom. The full sized mirror showed her something she hoped she would never see.

Her black dress that had once been nice and smart was now torn in several different places. One of her shoes was missing and her hair was in a very untidy heap on her left shoulder. Her once neat make-up was smudged and messy, and... Was that a tattoo on her hip? Oh God. Not only was it permenant, but it was of Little Miss Naughty! Oh Lordy-Loo!

She ran to her room and raided her wardrobe. There was a large pile of clothes on the bed now. Just as she was about to get dressed, the pile moved. Had she invited a man she didn't know back here? To the house she had bought with her boyfriend five months ago? It was probably some Filipino boy she had met at a bar last night named Juan. They always seemed to be called _Juan_. Or _Juon_. But this was not the time to be racist. The pile of clothes re-adjusted and out came Erskine. She sighed in relief.

"Thank God, you're not _Juan_!"

"Who?" She shook her head.

"Never mind."

She got back to getting dressed, then ran back to the bathroom with her make-up and baby wipes. After several minutes of powder, eyeliner and eyeshadow, she looked refreshed and pretty again. She went down the stairs and found Tanith passed out on the kitchen table. She too had a tattoo on her hip, but it was of Mr Tickle. She laughed inwardly, being carefulnot to wake sleeping beauty. She went into the living room and saw Valkyrie waking up.

"Morning Val. Have you got a hangover too?" Val nodded, then her hands went to her head in pain.

Seraphic went back into the kitchen and grabbed a box of iboprofen tablets. She took two herself, then got a glass of water and two tablets for Val, getting a small'Thanks' as she passed them to her. By the time she took the glass back to the kitchen, Erskine was dressed and downstairs.

"Morning, princess." she glared at him, and he laughed. She hated being called princes. Katie Price had named one of her many children Princess, and anything to do with Ms. Price made her angry.

"Morning yourself." She moved round him and grabbed her coat.

"Where are you going?" He asked, giving her a hug. He nuzzled her neck, like a horse would do it's owner. Of course, she would never say that outloud. After all, it was strangely comforting. She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"All you need to know is that I'll be back in time for tea. Try to resume your Grand Mage jobs without thinking of me. I try all the time, but it never works."

"So, I'm always on your mind?"

"No! Correction, _I'm_ always on my mind." She laughed as he _harumph_ed, then left.

She drove down the roads in silence. She had turned off the radio so that she could think in peace. But as she got closer to her destination, she got lonelier, so was forced to turn it back on. Happy Ending by Mika came on. She sighed and rolled her eyes. She hated the radio for this reason. Whenever something had gone wrong or was about to happen, the radio typically came out with a song to define her mood perfectly. She turned it over, and Marry You by Bruno Mars came on. She cursed and turned it off.

As she pulled up outside the small house on its own, she began to think. What if she never met her? What if this was a mistake? What if- Her thinking was cut short as her hand knocked on the door. After a few minutes, she turned to go. Unfortunately, the door opened as she took her first step away.

"Hello Seraphic." She turned back again to face Rock.

"Hello. May I come in?"

"If it's to have a go at me yet again, no."

"I just want to ask you something that's been bugging me."

"Why can't you ask me here then?"

"It's personal."

"Well, there's no one here, so go ahead." Seraphic looked around, then focused her gaze solely on Rock.

"Yesterday, when you said 'Once again, I'm not allowed to be happy', what did you mean?"

"I didn't mean anything in general. I didn't really mean it at all. It was a spur of the moment thing. Just untrue, petty insults."

"But I know you Rock. When you say things like that, you mean them. Like the bit about not being like me."

"Now, come on! You know I'd never say anything to hurt you!"

"But you did Rock. And thanks to you, I nearly hooked up with an underage Filipino boy named _Juan_... Or _Juon_... But anyway- Why are you laughing?!" She stopped and watched as Rock literally fell to the floor laughing at her. After a minute, Seraphic joined in too. When they finished, Seraphic turned serious again.

"Am I still invited to the wedding?" Rock's eyes widened to the size of golfballs.

"You really want to come?" Seraphic shrugged.

"Well, I am the only real family you've got, and it would look pretty lonely on your side of the church. Plus, you don't want to end up like me. Who knows, you could go all the way with Juan next time. I'll even bring the Skul Crew along. All of them. As many as I can. I'll get-"

"Okay, I get it!Yes, bring evryone you know. Oh, and can you do me a favour?"

"Yes?"

"Can you ask Skul to walk me down the aisle? It's just that, he's been like a father to me. Like he was to you."

"Yes, I will ask him. In the mean time, here's my phone number. Ring me tomorrow and I'll get you the best dress, the best venue possible. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Seraphic!"

* * *

The wedding went to plan two weeks later. It was perfect... Exceptfor the orange wedding dress... And the green suit worn by the groom. Only thirty people turned up to the wedding, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that Rock was going to have a happy life with Fletcher and a honeymoon at DisneyLand Florida... Without _Juan_.

* * *

**Sorry if your name's Juan.. Or Juon. It's just a story. And sorry if you are Filipino too. I don't mean any offence. in fact, one of my friends is Filipino, and I don't want to offend her. Hope you liked it my peeps! Xxx**


	19. iPad, Apps And Angry Birds

It was the week after Christmas, and Seraphic was playing with the iPad her boyfriend had gotten her. It wasn't the new brand new one, but the iPad 2, the fairly new one. But that didn't matter. What mattered was Minecraft.

It was the first game she had ever bought on this wonderous thing called 'The App Store'. Now, she wasn't that far behind in the technology. She had just got MS-DOS on her Microsoft computer. But everyone else thought she was very out of date. She was going to show them.

She went onto The App Store and downloaded Angry Birds, Garage Band and Cut The Rope. She started by playing Angry birds.

"GO TO HELL YOU FAT GREEN PIGS! YOU LOOK ILL! INSTEAD OF STEALING EGGS TRY STEALING VITAMINS AND TABLETS! EAT SPEEEEEEEEEEEED! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH HHHHHHH!" She flung a yellow, triangular bird at the pigs, and as five pigs died, she jumped up and screamed in delight. Erskine ran down the stairs at full pelt and crashed into the room to see Seraphic sat on the sofa, playing on the iPad.

"What's the ma-"

"SHUT UP! I'M CONCENTRATING!" He jumped back in suprise, then walked quietly to get himself some breakfast.

She carried on and flung a round red bird at the remaining pig. She missed by the smalled amount possible. She threw the iPad on the sofa and jumped about, hopping mad. When she finally sat down, she closed the app and instead, tried a hand at Cut The Rope.

"What the Hell?" Up came another small, green creature. "Why are all the animals in the world sick? Can't their owners sneak paracetamol into their food? I did that with Rock, and it worked perfectly. Unless the candy stuff has tablets in... Or drugs... OH MY DIA! ERSKINE, THIS ILL ANIMAL IS HIGH! THAT'S WHY HE'S GREEN! WHAT KIND OF SICK PEOPLE MAKE MONSTERS TAKE DRUGS?!" She fed the small monster the candy and he gave a satisfied _'YUM!' _sound.

After playing all 300 levels and getting 3 stars on each, she had a go on Garage Band. She played on it for half an hour, then Erskine came in.

"Seraphic? I've made you a sandwich? Just have a bite and stop playing for a minute then-"

"NO! _MY PRECIOUS! MINE! MINE! MINE! NOT YOURS!_" He put the plate on the table then ran away and hid under the bed. Seraphic snatched the sandwich, smelt it, then tossed it aside and continued to make the song 'Imagine' by John Lennon. She got bored after a few more minutes and went onto the App store again.

She purchased Temple Run and Where's My Water. On Temple Run, she ran 10,041m, collected 3,347 coins and was able to buy a wallpaper. She moved onto Where's My Water which, suprise suprise, had a small, green animal in. This time, it was a crocodile who wanted a bath. And if you scrolled down too much, he got scared of the crocodile watching him have a bath.

"Okay, why do you want to watch him have a bath? Are you gay? Don't you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Are you like Skul and Ghastly and watch them in the shower? Wow, you are Sad with a capital S."

She got every duck and hidden object on that, then facetimed Val on her iPhone.

"Hey Val, what's up?"

"The ceiling, the sky, kites, clouds-"

"Ha ha haa. Soooo very funny! Not. Anyway, what Apps can I get? Recommend them to me!"

"Try Horse Frenzy and Draw Something. I have them and they're cool."

"Okay, thanks. Bye!" She hung up, then downloaded them. She played them for an hour, then got bored again and downloaded the song Gangnam Style. She knew the moves, so danced it out four times. She looked back at the iPad, then to the clock. 7:30pm. She sighed, then grabbed the iPad and dawdled into the kitchen.

"Here Erskine, you play on it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm going to play on my computer. Night." She jum,ped up the stairs, loaded the computer and played Slender for an hour and a half.

* * *

Erskine was playing Angry Birds. At four in the morning.

"GO TO HELL YOU FAT PIECES OF MERDE! DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEE!"

* * *

**Hey! Sorry I didn't update last night. I was in a 'Can't be bothered' mood last night. If you know what I'm on about...No? Okay... Anyway, please review! My face lights up when I get an e-mail notifying me! I'm like "YAY! NEW E-MAIL! Wow, I'm sad..." Oh well, hope you liked it! love you all for ever! I'll love you even more if you review... Bye! Xxx**


	20. New Story Alert! Look Out!

**Okay everyone, I'm only here at the moment to tell you that I will be starting a new story. I won't have enough time to revise for Year 9 SATs, this story, any homework I get AND a new story, so I will start on my new story and try to update new chapters when I can/ when I can be bothered. Just one of those things I'm afraid. Sorry! But you can always catch up with my new story. I don't know what to do quite yet, but it will possibly be more like my other story (a more 'serious' story rather than a 'jokey' story). Hope you will like it! Xxx**


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